SELF ESTEEM

“I’m not going to do this well because I’m not smart and everyone will laugh at me!” “Nobody likes me because my nose is too big!” “I don’t always get recognized, I’m so plain!” These thoughts bother a lot of people in their adolescent/teenage years and even up to their adult lives because it is a personality trait and it can be long-lasting except ‘treated’ early. Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their self-worth. In other words, someone with low self-esteem does not think much of themselves. They constantly exaggerate their ‘weaknesses’ and view themselves in a negative light because they feel they have nothing worthwhile to offer. These feelings make them shy, it could also spark a stammer, it could make them feel despair, shame, depression and in the worst cases, they begin to exhibit social anxiety/phobia; which is a mental condition that causes irrational fear or anxiety from social interactions. Low self-esteem could be brought on by bullying, abuse, personal dystopia, etc. Living like this can be very tiring and limiting as it stops you from reaching for your dreams and meeting new people and opportunities, so it’s important to build your self-esteem so that you can make better choices and fully explore your potential.

Now, here’s what you can do to improve on your self-esteem:

1. Identify your negative beliefs and challenge them with positive affirmations.

The very first key to solving any problem is to trace the source of the problem and tackle it head-on, so itemize those things about yourself that makes you feel inadequate and then make a positive confession out of it. It’s like turning your negatives to positives. Saying things to yourself like “I put in my best effort and get a good result” over and over again will kickstart a thought in your brain that you can achieve it. In the process, this will make you feel better about yourself when you achieve it.

2. Identify your competencies and grow from them.

Now that you’ve listed out the ‘bads’ and flipped them over to ‘goods’, it’s time to bring out your strengths. Everyone has them and so do you. Find time to have a positive internal dialogue with yourself about your strengths and develop them. Always highlight your best side and make the most of it. People are sometimes afraid to put themselves forward because they feel they don’t know anything about anything. You can remedy this by going after the relevant information to boost your knowledge base. Read up on books, watch meaningful documentaries, engage in healthy, positive conversations, and in no time, you’d be able to share information and become comfortable around yourself.

3. Learn to accept compliments.

For a lot of shy persons, receiving compliments can be a battle. You may feel like you don’t deserve them but they are the very words that you need to hear the most. Practice saying “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “that’s nice of you to say”. When you can receive compliments, you are also able to give sincere compliments. This would help boost a healthy appreciation of yourself.

4. Stop criticizing/comparing yourself with others and introduce yourself to self-compassion.

First, stop with the comparisons! You can never be that person, so why bother? And why can’t they pine to be like you instead? Work it! Second, you won’t criticize your best friend unjustly, would you? So why do you do it to yourself? Why do you hate on yourself with criticisms? Stop it! Third, stay away from negative thoughts, relationships, and situations that demean your personality. You need to surround yourself with positivity. Constantly feeding on negative interactions; from people or the media, would not fill you with good self-esteem. Stay away! And lastly, introduce yourself to self-compassion. Be kind, gentle, and gracious with yourself. Afford yourself the same kindness and extra length of material you would to others. Start it!

5. Pronounce your real worth.

Yes, list out the values and attitudes you would like to embody and affirm them. Say it out loud; day after day, till you mean them. You can speak your healthy self-esteem into reality by making a conscious effort to only say what you want and work towards it. Also, in saying is doing, so take on challenges. Go out more, do things you’ve never dared to do, do them afraid but at least, do them. It sends a message to your brain that those impossible feats are possible and the more challenges you take on, the more your brain rewrites the neural pathways that you have good self-esteem.

You should note that this sometimes takes time. You may have lived all your childhood and teenage years being timid, so you may not suddenly become superman/woman in a month. However, when you keep at this, you would record a change in your behavior and this would be a strength to hold on to when you hit a rough patch and think to quit or retreat. Keep working on yourself and soon, you’d be more assertive and blossom into the awesome person you’ve always dreamt of becoming, like a cocoon to butterfly

“Who you are going to one day be, you are now becoming”- Spencer Hays.

À bientot!

(Article written by Berachah Uche)

Image: https://depositphotos.com/32907421/stock-photo-self-esteem-conceptual-meter.html